By Order of the High Council of Klingon Webmasters
Among the warriors of Qo’noS, there are many paths to glory: battle, conquest, and building Joomla websites of unrivalled strength.
For generations, Klingon developers have followed an ancient tradition, The Code of Honour. It is a set of sacred principles passed down from the first warrior who ever said, “This site loads slowly. Bring me my bat’leth.”
1. A Klingon Does Not Click “Next, Next, Finish.”
- Weaklings install software mindlessly.
- A true Klingon inspects every configuration screen.
- If a setting is unclear, he demands clarity from the machine.
- If the machine remains silent… he interrogates it further.
2. Extensions Must Be Worthy of Battle
No site shall be burdened with extensions that are:
- poorly coded,
- unsupported,
- or written by Ferengi seeking profit without honour (not gpl).
A Klingon installs only those extensions that show the courage to withstand major version upgrades.
3. Documentation Shall Be Written Before the First Mug of Bloodwine
Klingon developers document EVERYTHING: modules, plugins, overrides, custom scripts, the reason that one cron job is named “DO_NOT_DELETE_OR_WE_ALL_DIE”.
This prevents sabotage by future developers… including themselves.
4. When a Site Breaks, a Klingon Does Not Panic
- Breakage is a sign that a glorious challenge has arrived.
- A white screen of death is merely an invitation to battle.
- Debug mode is the warrior’s tactical display.
- Error logs are songs of previous conflicts.
5. Templates Must Be Clean, Fast, and Sharp Enough to Cut a Romulan
A Klingon Joomla template uses no unnecessary divs, no frivolous animations, and absolutely NO auto-playing videos.
If a page takes more than three seconds to load, the developer must either optimize it… or perform a brief, honourable scream.
6. Git Commits Shall Tell the Truth
Commit messages such as:
- “Fix stuff”
- “Oops”
- “What even happened here”
…are forbidden.
A commit message must describe the change clearly.
If necessary, it may also include a victory cry.
7. Updates Are a Ritual of Strength
When Joomla releases an update, a Klingon does not delay.
He applies the update immediately — after taking a backup — for rushing blindly into danger is honourable, but taking backups is wise.
8. A Klingon Developer Leaves No Admin Login Named “admin”
This is the way of cowards.
This invites dishonour, intrusion, and worst of all: spam.
A Klingon creates usernames that strike fear into attackers.
9. The Site Must Serve the Empire
- Serve the client? Yes.
- Serve the mission? Always.
- Serve the glory of Joomla? Absolutely.
But above all: A Joomla site must serve the Empire, whether it is a blog, a battle-calendar, or a classified database of bat’leth repair manuals.
10. When the Project Is Complete, the Developer Celebrates
A successful launch calls for:
- Bloodwine
- Opera
- Clicking “Clear Cache” dramatically
- And declaring, “This site… is VICTORY.”
In Closing
The Klingon Joomla Developer’s Code of Honour is not merely a list of rules, it is a way of life. Follow it, and your websites will stand strong against time, enemies, and unexpected PHP errors.
Fail to follow it… and you may find your next code review conducted with a bat’leth.
Qapla’!
